I had fantasized about having more than one lover in my life at a time for years. I believe those began as I read the Meredith Gentry series by Laurel K. Hamilton and again as I dipped into the realm Terre d’Ange with Phèdre nó Delaunay de Montrève in the Kushiel’s series by Jacqueline Carey. (Yes, I have read and own each book in these series.) I wanted, wished and hoped for something of that nature in my life. The desire and freedom to be with whom I wished, as I wished it and still be loved for myself. “Love as thou wilt.”
Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with monogamous relationships. Something just didn’t quite fit for me. Relationships would last for a while, even years in some cases, but they never could fill the gaps of what I needed. At times, I decided that I was just better off on my own than hurting others, in the end loneliness would prevail or the desire to create a traditional family for my growing child. I tried again and again, always with the same result. Now I had options.
One of my favorite quotes from the Kushiels’ books is “All knowledge is worth having.” I would have been doing a disservice to how many times I read them if I didn’t take a deep breath and wander off to explore. And so it began…
As I ventured into more scenes with my new Dom, I started to learn about him and his wife, how he was introduced into poly and various things that they learned along the way. On our first date, we were dancing when I turned around and had an “Ohmygothat’shiswife!” moment. (Keep in mind that I had met her a few times already and she knew about this budding dynamic.) As soon as she smiled at me I felt relief, joy and acceptance… then I saw that she was on a date also!
I began to realize how wonderful this couple was; that they could love each other enough to set each other free and be happy about it. Amazing! Granted, I know it’s not all roses, but the possibility that it CAN actually happen was enlightening. Seeing this, I truly realized that what I desired for so long had been given a name. Polyamory.
I began researching and found a wonderful book called, “More Than Two” by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux. This book is the easiest read that I’ve found in a long time. The information is helpful and it’s well labeled, so if I run into a situation, I can flip somewhere else in the book and gather more information or at least feel balanced again. They also have a website, if you’re interested. I also began listening to Polyamory Weekly podcasts which was recommended by a friend. All of this had been swirling around me and I didn’t even know it!
Time continues on and I’m still exploring poly. It’s been about 6 months since I took the plunge. I won’t delve into each relationship and why I chose certain lovers, but I will say that some have lasted longer than others. I’m still dating my Poly Dom and we have grand adventures together. The latest development is that he’s shown me what a slut I truly am. I’ve learned to love that term, and how!