In early spring, I faced many changes. I was coming out of a LTR, moving homes, and had just started a new job. All I knew, was that after the stress that lead to those events, I needed something that would make me feel wonderful and powerful as I entered my 38th year.
At that point, I’d been part of my local BDSM community for over two years and although I’ve participated a bit and even explored with my previous relationship, I hadn’t really stepped outside of my controlling box and submitted to anyone, which is what I really crave. I spent quite a few hours asking myself where I was headed in the community and worked through my anxiety about asking for something that I wanted and needed.
Longer story short, I was at a Munch when I casually told the people sitting at my table that I wanted to be flogged for my birthday. That announcement was received by a raised hand. An “I’ll do it for you”, silently spoken, and I accepted.
We wrote each other in between the offer and date, he knew about my anxiety, desire to submit and other things that I won’t post here. I almost cancelled; my brain tried telling me that I shouldn’t give someone power over my body/my mind (even with safe words), that I couldn’t do it anyway – I’d never really submit. Throughout all of that – my body hummed, my fantasies spiked and I wasn’t going to turn away from this wonderful gift. I showed up at the appointed time quite nervous and was immediately soothed and calmed by the Dom that was handling me. The rest of that story is private, but I will tell you that it’s a day I won’t soon forget.
So, that’s how my birth year started. By being true to myself, no holds barred.
What I didn’t know at the time was that the silent offer would also be my introduction to Polyamory.